Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
