Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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