Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I could make wine with my vomit
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
