i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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