Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
