??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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