Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
