Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
