I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
