How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize