he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
