She is in my trunk
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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