Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
