So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
