hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
