life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
