I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
