I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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