Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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