I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
