May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
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I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We need to get me chipped asap
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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