Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
