anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
