he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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