well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
