i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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