i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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