I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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