woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
