I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
