I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
