hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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