will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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