Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
