you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
