Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
