tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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