if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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