Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
