apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
