He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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