i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
