Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
