you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
