me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
