Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
