So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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