She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
