We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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