i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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