I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
