we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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