i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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