Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
