is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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