We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
