either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
