I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
