Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you will always have a special place in my vag
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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