I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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