how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
