I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
