last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
