Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
