So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
