so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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