Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think i have herpe
just one?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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