he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
