now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
