i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I am morally bankrupt
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
