I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
