I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
