I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this just has baby written all over it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
