Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
