i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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